


Breaking Through

by Pixie (Ayiana)



Category: JAG
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-09-30
Updated: 2003-09-30
Packaged: 2017-10-06 06:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayiana/pseuds/Pixie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Picks up at the very end of <i>A Tangled Webb 2</i>, after Mac turns away from Harm at the taxi stand. Harm finally gets fed up and takes action.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking Through

As Harm watched Mac turn away from him, something inside him snapped. He grabbed her shoulder and spun her back around.

"No."

She looked at him in surprise. "No?"

"That's right…No."

He said it firmly, without hesitation, and there was a look of determination in his eyes that she had often seen when he was working a difficult case. She had never seen it directed at her though, and somehow it made her uneasy.

"What do you mean, no?"

"I mean we're not leaving it like this. We've been partners – and friends – for eight years, and you think you can just arbitrarily decide it'll never work? No way. We need to talk."

Mac shrugged her shoulders, trying to move out of Harm's grasp, but he refused to let go. He had something to say to this woman, and he was damned if he was going to let her get away from him again.

"You want to stay here for another day? Fine. In fact, I think it's a great idea. We'll both stay. And you and I are going to clear the air once and for all."

Mac gaped slightly in surprise. This was not what she had expected from the man she had known, and loved, for so long. Usually, he was the one who avoided hard conversations. This time, he had very neatly turned the tables on her, and she found herself momentarily speechless. Dimly, she was aware of the cabby yelling at them. Harm pulled her gently away from the car and slammed the door, waving him off as he did. The cabbie yelled something else, angrily this time, and pulled away with a screech of tires. Mac finally found her voice.

"Just who do you think you are?" she demanded, her eyes flashing sparks. Harm had no right to tell her what to do. She was sick and tired of his attitude – sick and tired of his jealousy of every man who expressed interest in her. Sick and tired of…Well, just sick and tired of all of it. Harm's own eyes flashed in reply.

"Me? I'm just the man who's stood by your side for eight years, the man who's seen you through thick and thin and never given up on you. Look, I know I'm not perfect – far from it, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let you throw away our friendship because you've just spent two weeks living some kind of fantasy life in a godforsaken country 5,000 miles from home! We're going to talk, Mac, and I'm not leaving until we do." He stood straight and tall, arms folded now, and even though he was out of uniform, he was every inch the commanding naval officer she'd fallen hopelessly in love with. Looking at him, Mac sighed. She knew that stance. She knew he wasn't going to budge. She either had to give in to him now, or have him shadow her every footstep until she finally did.

She sighed in aggravation. "Fine," she said. "But do we have to do this in the middle of the street?" Harm looked around, belatedly realizing that they were still standing by the curb. Picking up their bags, he nodded to her to lead the way.

The desk clerk gave them an odd look when they approached him yet again. These people had come and gone so many times in the past few weeks his head was spinning. He handed over the familiar room key and watched the couple move toward the elevator. As he returned to his other duties, he thought to himself that they made a handsome pair indeed – if only it weren't for the angry looks that darkened their faces.

Harm opened the door to their room, and Mac preceded him inside, moving to the window and staring out. Uncertain of where to begin, Harm busied himself with their bags and then poured glasses of ice water for each of them. Approaching Mac, he silently handed her a glass. As she took it, Mac's fingers brushed against his, and the familiar touch was her undoing. Tears pooled in her eyes as she turned back to the window. She brushed them away angrily, hoping Harm hadn't noticed. He had though, and he was instantly concerned.

"Mac?" he said gently, attempting to turn her toward him. She stiffened, pulling away from him and moving to sit on one of the small couches across the room. Her mind was in turmoil. This was it. This was the line she'd thought they would never cross. She knew that no matter where this conversation went, she and Harm would never again enjoy the same easy friendship that she had treasured for so many years. A small part of her was hopeful that he might actually be ready to begin a real relationship with her. The rest of her was convinced that Harm came to Paraguay only to rescue a fellow officer in trouble.

Mac hated the idea that Harm might have come after her because of some sort of misguided hero complex. She didn't intend to play damsel in distress to his white knight. She wanted so much more than that with him. For a while, she'd thought he might actually admit to feeling something beyond friendship for her. In fact, she'd been certain at one point that he was about to kiss her, but then the door to their room had opened and Harm had jerked away from her like he'd been burned. If only Webb and Gunny hadn't come in just then… She sighed. It wouldn't do any good to focus on what might have been. She was so frustrated with this stupid dance they'd been doing for so many years. She wanted it over, and yet she was a little afraid of what would happen afterwards.

Harm watched Mac from across the room. He loved this woman so much he ached with it, but whenever it came time to tell her, he froze. And she didn't make it any easier. She'd been sniping at him since he'd found her, and she seemed to enjoy taunting him about her relationship with Webb. Of course he was jealous. Was that so unreasonable? Surely, Mac knew that he loved her. Granted he had never actually said the words, but hell, he'd resigned his commission and flown 5,000 miles to find her. How much more obvious could he be? Besides, what right did she have to give him such a hard time about not making a commitment? She hadn't exactly been up front about her own feelings, either. Sighing, he moved to sit in the chair across from her. Whatever his misgivings were, this conversation had to happen. One way or another he had to tell her how he felt, because until he did, he knew he wouldn't be able to move on with his life.

"Mac?" he said gently, waiting until she looked up at him. "Do you love him?" A feeling of déjà vu washed over him as he remembered playing out this scene in another place and another time. She just looked at him for a minute, and then started to turn away.

"Mac. Do you love him?" This time, he earned a glare from her.

"That's a question you don't get to ask," she said, also reliving that scene from so long ago. This time Harm surprised her.

"Why not?" he asked, reaching to capture one of her small hands in his own larger one. "Why don't I get to ask?"

Mac looked at him in disbelief. Instead of answering, she shrugged her shoulders and drew her knees up to her chest, pulling her hand away from him and wrapping both arms around her legs as if to keep warm. Now that she'd forced Harm into this conversation, she wasn't sure she wanted to follow it through. Thoughts of what could happen here terrified her. She loved Harm desperately, but she was convinced that to tell him would only drive him away. She knew she'd treated him badly since he'd come to find her, and she knew that she had deliberately flaunted her relationship with Clay, cruelly leading him on when she knew she didn't love him. She couldn't seem to help herself. She wanted Harm to hurt as badly as she had been hurting for all these years. Mac realized that he'd been quiet for a long time. She looked up, and found him watching her steadily.

"I may not get to ask the question, but I'm asking it anyway. Do you love him?"

When she still refused to answer, he stood up in exasperation, throwing an earlier conversation back into her lap.

"Look," he said. "You were the one who pointed out that until we have this conversation neither one of us can move on, and neither one of us is getting any younger. So here I am, offering to talk it out, and there you are, curled up like you're trying to hide. What's going on?"

"I'm afraid." She said it so softly that Harm almost didn't hear her. He looked at her incredulously.

"Afraid? You?" He was stunned. As far as he knew, Mac wasn't afraid of much of anything. His surprise earned him another glare.

"Yes, afraid," she shot back. "Haven't you ever been afraid? Haven't you ever stood at the edge of a cliff, looked down, and been afraid?" She saw a tiny smile twitching at the corners of his mouth, and realized that he was taking her literally. Fighter jock that he was, Harm would never be afraid of heights. She allowed herself to relax enough to smile back at him.

"O.K., bad analogy, but I think you know what I mean, Flyboy."

Harm's grin faded, and he was serious again.

"Yes, I've been afraid. In fact, I'm terrified right now, but I'm less afraid of having this conversation than I am of what happens if I let you walk out that door." He gestured toward the door, and then fell silent, staring at her intently.

"And you still haven't answered my question," he said. Mac jumped up from the couch and started pacing. She hated that he was pushing her so hard. She hated that he was forcing her to answer him when he so neatly escaped her questions most of the time. But she also knew that if she didn't answer, any hope she might have of working this out would die with her silence. She turned to face him.

"No," she said quietly. "No, I don't love him. Not really. Not the way I love…" She trailed off, not willing to continue. Harm froze.

"Not the way you love…?" he asked, stepping toward her. But Mac wasn't ready. She turned from him and walked back to the window.

"It doesn't matter," she said sadly. She felt him come to stand behind her. He wasn't touching her, but she knew he was close. She could feel his breath gently fanning the hair on the top of her head, and she shivered.

"Not the way you love who?" he said again, his deep voice almost a caress in her ear. Needing to put space between herself and Harm, Mac started pacing again.

"I told you. It doesn't matter!" she said, wearing a pattern in the carpet from the door to the bed and back again. Harm watched her for a minute, then walked back to the couch. Sitting down and patting the spot next to him, he indicated that she should join him. Mac looked at him, and at the place he indicated. She sat, but in the chair across from him. She knew she wouldn't be able to bear being that close to Harm without touching him, and she also knew that if she touched him she would lose whatever small grip she had on her sanity. Harm leaned toward her.

"Look, I apologize. I behaved badly and I know it. I just couldn't believe you would fall for a guy like Webb."

"A guy like Webb? What's that supposed to mean?" She was so utterly sick of the way Harm seemed to find fault with every man she ever cared about.

"Wait," he said, putting his hand up. "Before you go jumping on my case again, listen to what I'm saying, ok?" He waited until she shrugged before he continued.

"I'm furious with Webb, but it's not just because he went off on some half-baked attempt to redeem himself, and it's not because he screwed up again and had to be rescued." He paused for a minute. He felt like a schoolboy. His heart raced as he realized that the next words he said would be a turning point, and that there would be no going back. He took a deep breath and plunged ahead.

"I'm furious with Webb because he almost got the woman I love killed." He said it quietly, but he looked straight into her eyes as he spoke. He saw her eyes widen and her body tense as her hand moved to her throat. Tears pooled in her eyes once again.

"No…" she said, but this time it was a mere whisper. Before he knew it, she was on her feet again. Shaking his head ruefully, Harm decided that the next time he had to have a conversation like this with Mac he was going to tie her to her chair first. The woman was giving him whiplash! He stood quickly and caught her before she could get away from him. Holding her gently by the shoulder with one hand, he used the other to tilt her chin up so that he could look into her eyes.

"Yes," he said, not a trace of doubt or fear in his voice. Now that he had finally gotten the words out, he felt wonderful. Being honest was such a liberating experience.

"And now you know what gives me the right to ask you how you feel about Clayton Webb." He watched her carefully, trying to read the multitude of emotions that crossed her face. Finally, she buried her head in his shoulder, needing to get away from that piercing gaze, and desperately needing to feel his arms around her. Harm pulled her close and held her tightly. They stayed that way for a long time, but finally he pulled back and held her slightly away from him.

"Will you answer my question now?" he asked, needing to know, but hearing a tiny voice deep inside that wondered if Mac had a lover somewhere that she had never told him about. Mac, however, was confused.

"What question?"

"Earlier, when I asked you if you were in love with Clay, you said 'not as much as I love…'," He watched her carefully as he continued. "You never finished that sentence, and I need to know, Mac. Is there somebody else? Because if there is, I'll step aside."

Mac recognized the expression in Harm's eyes. She was surprised to realize that he honestly didn't know that she loved him. How could that be? She'd done everything but hire one of those corny skywriters to shout it from the heavens. This man could be incredibly dense at times, but in spite of that, she loved him with everything that she had and everything that she was. He was a part of her, a part that she could no more live without than she could live without water or air. She stepped close to him again, and raised her hand to smooth his collar.

"Mac?" he said, his voice sounding strangled and tense. She looked into his eyes, seeing her own reflection there, as well as so much more. Love, fear, determination, and humor all looked back at her.

"Not as much as I love you," she said. With a groan, Harm pulled her in so close to him that she thought he might crush her. She didn't mind, though. In fact, she'd never felt so comfortable in her life.

"Thank God," he said fervently as he began to drop small kisses on the top of her head.

"It took Him long enough to get the job done," Mac smiled as she snuggled in close under Harm's chin. He laughed with her, and feeling the delightful rumble of his chuckle against her cheek, she looked up, only to become snared in his mesmerizing gaze. Time stood still as Harm, eyes still locked on hers, lowered his head and ever so gently brushed his lips against her own softer ones.

This kiss was completely unlike any other they had shared before. It was an affirmation, a promise, and a whisper of things to come. Afterward, Harm pulled her over to the couch and they sat, snuggled closely together this time, her head on his shoulder, and his arm around her waist. Both were quiet for a long time, still surprised that they had finally found the courage to admit their love. Then, Harm chuckled. Mac looked up at him.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"Harm smiled at her. "What do you suppose the admiral is going to say?"

Mac laughed, "He'll probably throw up his hands and roll his eyes, but then he'll start trying to make it work. He'll be fine. Hell, he's probably wondering if we'll ever got our heads screwed on straight."

"Actually," began Harm, "I think he suspects something. He said something to me as I was leaving his office that last time that made me wonder."

"What did he say?"

"He wanted to know what would happen after I brought you back. He asked what I would be willing to do to keep you."

At that, Mac's eyes widened. "What did you say?"

"I said I hadn't really thought about it yet." His arm tightened around her. "I had thought about it, though. In fact, I hadn't thought about much else since you left. But I could hardly tell him that, now could I?"

"You have a point," Mac admitted. "We'll tackle that problem when we get back. For now, let's just enjoy the fact that we've finally found our way home."

"Home. I like the sound of that." He pulled her in close to him, and they shared a long sweet kiss that spoke of love, and trust, and ultimately, peace. Their planet had finally found its rightful place in the universe, and though there were bound to be problems between two people as stubborn and proud as they were, both knew that they had the beginning of something truly special. Both knew that they were willing to do whatever it took to fulfill the promise that was born this night.


End file.
